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Alright, quick update everyone. I've got something to ask all of you. I came across this site. They're raising money for the problem that I have, RND. They're bracelets with the inscription 'Prevent Pain' on it, and the money goes towards research for the RND. I'd really really appriciate it if you guys would get one of these, or even spread the link around and ask people to buy one. This is the reason why my hands don't work all of the time and all; the whole reason I went on hitatus. It'd be helping me and so many others.

Oh yeah, *letsdothetimewarp says that "Everytime you see this link and don't buy a bracelet, God kills a kitten."
Now, Do you want to be a kitten killer?

Seriously though, this would mean a lot if you'd order one or something. order one for a friend! Spread the word. If you can't get one, maybe you can just post this link in your journal or something. Please. Much to all of you!

The Site > [link]

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Paper bags and plastic hearts / All are belongings in shopping carts / It's goodbye / But we got one more night / Lets get drunk and drive around / And make peace with this empty town / We can make it right
Throw it away / Forget yesterday / Well make the great escape / We wont hear a word they say / They dont know us anyway / Watch it burn / Let it die / Cause we are finally free tonight
--The Great Escape, Boys Like Girls
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Yeah, obsessed with this song and band. So romantic. I am a hopeless romantic. Check 'em out [Boys Like Girls].


But okay, listen up ladies and gents.


I'm going on a hiatus, an official one. I do not know how long this will last, so it's really just up in the air right now. This will affect my posting of artwork, and will affect the amount of time I spent on this site and comment.

As my long time watchers might have noticed, I haven't posted something personal since March. Everything after that was part of a school project, or I had stated I wasn't exactly proud of it. I stopped updating in general back in May, then burned down my gallery in the end of July.

For a long time, a year and a half, life has been very chaotic. A lot of health problems have been popping back up again, and have been severely cutting my time down, my ability for certain things, and a lot of my inspiration. The problem has also managed to travel to my arms and hands. Basically, it's a full body issue right now, and very unpredictable. My art took a dive in the summer, and towards the end I stopped drawing, because of this problem. What it does is cause severe pain in my hands or arms. My hands will shake if I try to hold something right, shudder at random, or just tremble in general. It might hurt to bend my fingers, or they might not bend at all. Pain will enter my wrist, my fingers, my shoulder.. as you can see, it's amazingly unpredictable and I have no idea what I will wake up to each day.

Right now, my only art consists of doing projects for the art class I'm taking right now. And even then I almost dread the class, because I know my skill level and I can't do that anymore. The problem with my hands is very painful and makes drawing more of a dreaded thing, rather then something I do for relaxing.

This is why I'm going on hiatus, officially anyway. I have stopped drawing for myself, it's not something that makes me happy anymore, but makes me more upset. Just reminds me of something else I can't do as well anymore, so it's not as pleasurable. Earlier on, I was able to handle it better, and just worked on my 'better' days, but they don't exist much anymore so.. yes. Only rarely will I pick something up, but it's only rough drawing or concepts, as my hands cannot handle finer points like inking or coloring.

DA is friggin' awesome, but I can't handle it right now. So I won't be as active anymore. I will still come on and comment, every now and then, but otherwise, I need a break. My main focus is school right now, as last year was a disaster due to outside problems.

Art has actually become a mini-hell. Suffering Artist indeed. I think right now I just need to back up, and try to figure this all out. Art had become my escape before, after the problem started up in my legs, but after this summer, it just got snatched away from me and I'm not sure what to do now. Art became a really big part of me, and without it I'm just at a lost. It's not like I don't plan to never draw ever again, I am not giving up art after everything that I have done and gone through. But right now.. eh. I dunno.

My inspiration has died because of all of this. I don't want to draw because I know that I can't do what I used to do. If anyone has every had this happen to them, then they understand why it hurts so much. Imagine if you couldn't draw anymore without so much pain it's not even worth it. Or if your hands start to shake uncontrollably and stop you from doing what you love. Doesn't sound very pretty does it.

This is all incredibly vague, I know, but hopefully you all catch my drift.

And guys, I'm not fishing for anything. This is all real and it is happening to me right now. This is my personal hell that I am still trying to understand for the past few months. I'm upset and incredibly angry and hurt at what happened, it just added salt to the wound that started up after I was diagnosed with my problem almost two years ago, and after going through hell twice to try and get rid of it. Like kicking me when I was down. Like my body decided to turn against me. I am not looking for pity or anything like that.

As a heads up, this isn't contageous, or gonna kill me or anything. I won't suddenly die or go deathly ill from this, it just messes around with reflexes and stuff

The tutorial list will still be updated every now and then as I find time to do it. I will still comment, but not as much. I'm not giving up, I'm just trying to find a way adapt to what happened and where I stand right now. :d I don't give up that easily.

If you managed to read all of that, and possibly understand it as I know I jumped around a hell of a lot, then props to you. Please remember I'm not fishing, I'm just getting this off my chest. Horary for long rants!

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(Links for You)
[Annon!] - <3 ~Celsa Go to her page and watch her! She's amazing!
[There is Time to Smile - Kakia and Kasumi] - *AllendisI Watch her. Now.
[Suggstion List From Hell] .. And yes, I do realize that is was I who created that list from hell. Shut up.
[Tutorial Web] .. like.. a dark alley for tutorial-addicts.
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